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A Gift for You by ~frazzled-mage:iconfrazzled-mage:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Humor > Open


You are tough to buy for
But not just at Christmas

I debated on beach front property
And knew you would hate to have
Plastic bottles and syringes wash up on your gift.

I considered a bouquet of star gazer lilies
And remembered to you they are already dying,
Corpses of fading beauty propped up in their coffin.

I tossed out the idea of my kisses
For it seems to you they are only the in roads
To places you no longer want to go.

So I will give you
All you seem to crave-
My absence.
©2007-2009 ~frazzled-mage
:iconfrazzled-mage:

Author's Comments

There was a point in time where this was a sad yet true commentary on my life:nod: I am so glad it is not anymore. Please let me know what you think. I appreciate your time in reading my works.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconsatah:
~Satah Dec 28, 2007, 5:38:01 PM
Oh, wow.

I love how it slowly reveals its... negativity, I guess? It doesn't tell you straight-out that it's not just a light-hearted poem.

I didn't expect the last stanza to be what it was, and I love it, in a sad way.

Very, very good.

--
Wowza! How awesomesupremo! That\'s just so ulticooliolicious!
:iconcitysilence:
~citysilence Dec 28, 2007, 7:15:38 PM
I love it, in a sad way. It's like ... gentle, lilting. The emotion is like a wave, kind of slow and calm.

It's just really pretty.

I'm not good at critiquing really good pieces of work.

--
Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
Then said the cat, "It doesn't matter."
:iconfrazzled-mage:
~frazzled-mage Dec 28, 2007, 8:43:47 PM
Thank you. Yes it was like that, too. Each layer and depth grew worse and then the finality of the whole dissolved situation was exposed for what it was. I am glad you enjoyed-not really the word I want- it. Thank you for the :+fav:.

jfk

--
please stop by sometime :gallery:

[link]

youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords
:iconfrazzled-mage:
~frazzled-mage Dec 28, 2007, 8:49:29 PM
I think your critique is one of the kinds I love to read, you let me know how my work made you feel and how my choices of words directed you. That helps. :nod:

btw it also was how it happened, slowly unravelling but like I was watching the building gently lean to one side and then lay down quietly like it needed a nap.

jfk

--
please stop by sometime :gallery:

[link]

youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords
:iconallein21:
~allein21 Dec 28, 2007, 10:59:23 PM
At first I thought it was a disgustingly sweet love poem, (which I still would have loved) but the twist at the end is like putting pepper in hot chocolate - unexpected but perfect!

Yes, I put white pepper in hot chocolate. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it. ;)

--
:gallery:
Blinking Snow Llama avvie made by =SparklyDest
:iconmarzguy:
*marzguy Dec 29, 2007, 5:33:00 AM
Ever read something that's so true, so sad and so powerful that you just HATE it?

That's kind of what I feel here.

Great work, but extremely sad. It just shouldn't be.

I gotta fave it.

--
Still, the whistle pig,
On Monday, bids adieu to his own kind.
:iconmarzguy:
*marzguy Dec 29, 2007, 5:35:32 AM
"...pepper in hot chocolate"

Great comment and apropos.

--
Still, the whistle pig,
On Monday, bids adieu to his own kind.
:iconfrazzled-mage:
~frazzled-mage Dec 29, 2007, 7:33:01 AM
I am so pleased at the reaction this one has gotten. This is about the 5th try at putting it on paper and the other four died a horrible death in the shredder:evillaugh: hmmm....might have to give the pepper a chance, almost always up to try it once. ;P

thank you for your comment.

jfk

--
please stop by sometime :gallery:

[link]

youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords
:iconfrazzled-mage:
~frazzled-mage Dec 29, 2007, 7:38:56 AM
Yes ....each time I read this one I feel the same way.:surrender: I would love to tell you that this had a happy ending, but I like you too much to just lie to you outright.;P Thank you so much for the :+fav:. I have been wandering around in different forms and styles lately and it made my loosely fixed format feel like I had room to explore. I just had another poem pop into my head so I am going to put it on paper before it vanishes like mist(which they do on me sometimes!).

ty again. I am always excited to read your comments. I am glad you HATE my writing topic today.

jfk

--
please stop by sometime :gallery:

[link]

youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords
:iconcitysilence:
~citysilence Dec 29, 2007, 8:10:29 AM
You are the king of metaphors.
And it makes me smile dearly.

--
Alice came to a fork in the road.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
Then said the cat, "It doesn't matter."
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