You are tough to buy for
But not just at Christmas
I debated on beach front property
And knew you would hate to have
Plastic bottles and syringes wash up on your gift.
I considered a bouquet of star gazer lilies
And remembered to you they are already dying,
Corpses of fading beauty propped up in their coffin.
I tossed out the idea of my kisses
For it seems to you they are only the in roads
To places you no longer want to go.
So I will give you
All you seem to crave-
My absence.
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Author's Comments
There was a point in time where this was a sad yet true commentary on my life
 I am so glad it is not anymore. Please let me know what you think. I appreciate your time in reading my works. Comments
 Oh, wow.
I love how it slowly reveals its... negativity, I guess? It doesn't tell you straight-out that it's not just a light-hearted poem. I didn't expect the last stanza to be what it was, and I love it, in a sad way. Very, very good. -- Wowza! How awesomesupremo! That\'s just so ulticooliolicious!  I love it, in a sad way. It's like ... gentle, lilting. The emotion is like a wave, kind of slow and calm.
It's just really pretty. I'm not good at critiquing really good pieces of work. -- Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat. "I don't know," Alice answered. Then said the cat, "It doesn't matter." Thank you. Yes it was like that, too. Each layer and depth grew worse and then the finality of the whole dissolved situation was exposed for what it was. I am glad you enjoyed-not really the word I want- it. Thank you for the
 . jfk -- please stop by sometime  [link] youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords I think your critique is one of the kinds I love to read, you let me know how my work made you feel and how my choices of words directed you. That helps.
btw it also was how it happened, slowly unravelling but like I was watching the building gently lean to one side and then lay down quietly like it needed a nap. jfk -- please stop by sometime [link] youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords  At first I thought it was a disgustingly sweet love poem, (which I still would have loved) but the twist at the end is like putting pepper in hot chocolate - unexpected but perfect!
Yes, I put white pepper in hot chocolate. Don't knock it 'til you've tried it.  --  Blinking Snow Llama avvie made by =SparklyDest  Ever read something that's so true, so sad and so powerful that you just HATE it?
That's kind of what I feel here. Great work, but extremely sad. It just shouldn't be. I gotta fave it. -- Still, the whistle pig, On Monday, bids adieu to his own kind. "...pepper in hot chocolate"
Great comment and apropos. -- Still, the whistle pig, On Monday, bids adieu to his own kind. I am so pleased at the reaction this one has gotten. This is about the 5th try at putting it on paper and the other four died a horrible death in the shredder
 hmmm....might have to give the pepper a chance, almost always up to try it once.  thank you for your comment. jfk -- please stop by sometime [link] youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords Yes ....each time I read this one I feel the same way.
 I would love to tell you that this had a happy ending, but I like you too much to just lie to you outright. Thank you so much for the . I have been wandering around in different forms and styles lately and it made my loosely fixed format feel like I had room to explore. I just had another poem pop into my head so I am going to put it on paper before it vanishes like mist(which they do on me sometimes!).ty again. I am always excited to read your comments. I am glad you HATE my writing topic today. jfk -- please stop by sometime [link] youarerighthereyouhavetakenthespaceoutofmywords You are the king of metaphors.
And it makes me smile dearly. -- Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat. "I don't know," Alice answered. Then said the cat, "It doesn't matter." |
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